Where do I even begin with this journal? Where do I start in telling people how much this man changed my life? When I first began my journey as an Axolotl owner, I was left with more questions than answers. If you look up anywhere online 'Axolotl care', you will find millions upon millions of opinions and tutorials on just that subject. And when you're someone who prefers a straight to the point approach, it can be daunting to try to find those answers. But I got them from Brian. In 2015, I reached out on a video of his, asking what his opinions were on Axolotls. I wasn't expecting a reply so was shocked when I not only got one, I got a detailed message on what to do, how to do it, etc. "You're going to make mistakes but that's okay." Were his closing thoughts.
Sure enough when I got my first Axolotl, she died. At no fault to myself. We simply don't know if she was suffering from a genetic defect, or if she was sick prior. All we know is, I woke up one morning, and she was slowly spiraling downhill until she passed on. Again, I was given words of encouragement from Brian. "Don't give up." And so, I began searching for another Axolotl and roughly 4 months later, purchased an Albino boy whom I named Jareth. For four long years, he was my pride and joy and I shared this with Brian, who continued to offer words of encouragement and housing tips as I sought to improve Jareth's enclosure.
Knowing that my mentor is leaving us, is hurting far worse than I can put into words. Here was a man who could of helped my stepdad overcome his fear of snakes. Here was a man who advocated for our wildlife and was a Wildlife Warrior well and truly before Steve Irwin's children took up the mantle. And just as I grieved when we lost Steve, I grieve now. My family has noticed I've shut myself away and have all but shut down. I have lost interest in hanging out, chatting, etc. Because my grief is so profound, it's hard to explain to them, just how much of an impact, Brian has had on my life.
I have been told by certain family members "you never knew the guy personally, so get over it" but they fail to understand that, you didn't need to know Brian personally, to know him. To understand and feel his impact on your life. Sitting there, watching his daily videos, sharing in his excitement and joy at sharing with the world, his love and passion for animals. You simply didn't need to know him to feel his impact upon your life.
In 2004 I lost my grandmother to cancer. That January she had been admitted to long term care at the local hospital. I never knew it was a form of long term hospice. I was only 15 and no one was giving me any answers. I kept getting told "she's coming home in February". It never happened. On February 11th, she died. I was just one month shy of my 16th birthday.
This disease is cruel. It affects millions of people worldwide and some of us, may not even know we have it, until we're already on our death beds. So this strikes close to home for me. Here is yet another mentor of mine, leaving and I'm left with so many questions, but namely, why? Why do such good, amazing people, have to be struck down by something that is so cruel and unforgiving?
Brian's impact on my life will forever be one of a child whose love for animals grew into a passion. I've always loved animals, so much so, that it often confused my family. But first Steve and then Brian, they got it. They understood. And I can't thank these two amazing men, enough for the effect they've had on my life.
Brian. I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss our daily interactions on Youtube. I'm going to miss your words of encouragement. But most importantly and obviously, I'm going to miss you. Seeing your excitement and joy and just bubbly, happy go lucky, personality. I'm going to miss the way your eyes lit up when you shared the birth of a new critter at the Reptarium or just how you loved showing us around on your newest adventure overseas or even in your own backyard.
You're going to be so greatly missed but, you'll never be forgotten and neither will the legacy you've left behind for us to carry forward. We'll continue to advocate for wildlife everywhere, for the protections that they so rightly deserve.
And Brian? This isn't goodbye. It's never a goodbye. It's merely "Cya later alligator". Good luck on your new adventure Brian. I just wish we could all be there to see it.
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