These last few months have been trying. So Amy and I compiled a list of things we wanted to discuss with our clients but felt that doing so via Discord Announcements, simply wasn't the route to go. Key pointers will have their own unique set of pointers that we will expand and or explain things on. We ask that you read everything carefully. And we would also like to remind everyone that this post isn't signaling any one person out as this has been an ongoing case of snide remarks aimed mainly towards me. And it's getting to the point where I'm about to wash my hands of this dream of mine, so before I head down that road, Amy encouraged me to discuss things here.
So let's get to it shall we?
The Idea: The idea of owning my own business has been something I've always dreamed about but never thought I could do because it's not an easy task. In fact, opening a business is very time consuming, something everyone needs to remember. In Canada, the Canadian Government wants you to apply for a grant of up to $50k to open said store....but they want all that money back within 1 years or they add interest of around 60% (give or take) so at the end of the day, when I began to really buckle down with this idea and began turning it from a dream into a reality, I invested $2000 into hiring a business agent, known as Amy. Amy has been an amazing asset to my dream becoming a reality. She's the one who speaks with the various design companies, makes certain companies don't pull a quick one on me, and make sure that they practice ethical employee practices. If my merch is made in a 'sweat shop' by a 6yr old, than I want no part of that. I want no part of someone being abused, just so I can make a buck. It's not worth it. I've seen how those businesses operate and if I'm being honest? They all need to be shut down. No child should be made to labor in hot, humid, sweaty, barely lit, factories, just so I can have an amazing hoodie, t-shirt, etc. Amy makes certain this isn't happening where it regards our merch because she will send another agent to visit the factories where our merch will be made and or designed. If something seems off, we cease communications and move on to the next company on our list. To date, we've gone through well over 10,000 companies who simply didn't meet our standards.
Another key pointer I want to make clear is we also won't deal with a company that engages in any form of animal abuse and or testing. Testing of makeup products, perfumes, etc, is something I do not support, and falls into the same category of child labor companies I won't do business with. If you abuse animals just for their fur/feathers, then honestly? You're not worth doing business with and I'll go elsewhere.
2. The Death of Pele: This was an unexpected and heavy loss. Both mentally, emotionally, physically and finically. On credit with my vet, I had around $100. The day Pele was rushed to the vet clinic, I had a sinking feeling, something was wrong but when the vet refused to do the required testing, he'd said he'd do, over the phone during our conversation, I knew she wouldn't be with us much longer. Pele is a success story. Starting with an OSPCA raid after a police Drug/Firearms raid discovered over 200 cats in varying states of illness and starvation. Out of those 200 cats, only Akela and Pele survived, but barely. Pele became special needs after a severe allergic reaction to some cat food caused her to develop Feline Stomatitis - FS as my vets call it, is an incredibly painful inflammation and ulceration of your cat's gums, cheeks, and tongue. Pele also suffered from IBS and excessive fur growth which caused her to shed excessively. So when she fell ill last year, I knew this was our final fight and I'd been hoping and praying she would beat it but her injuries, brought on by the vet's inability to do the tests he said he would be doing, proved to be too much for her aging body to handle. And we ultimately lost her. In the hole, I was looking at close to a $1k loss if you add up all the meds she was put on, med disposal, euthanization, cremation, body return, etc.
3. Merch Costs Money: Merch in of itself costs money. Ordering in custom merch costs money. It's not free. And certain suppliers have an inventory amount you must buy before they'll fill your order. So, say you like that amazing hoodie. Guess what? I have to buy 30 units of that same hoodie. Out of that 30 units, it'll cost me close to $800 to order in. And if only one sells/is gifted, I'm making zero profit back. I'm then left with 29 remaining units of merch that can't and or won't be moved. This has made finding companies who won't sting me in this manner, exhausting. Especially for Amy. We've fought so hard to find companies who won't do this, that it's oftentimes been discouraging. We're not a 'big' store, we're a small store. We don't need nor do we require 30 units of the same item unless it's a sticker and even then, that's a bit of a stretch.
4. Designing Merch Items takes Time: I personally hand draw and design each merch item you see being teased. There's never a guarantee that item will ever end up in the shop. Even if cited otherwise, Amy and I go by a poll system and if that item simply isn't liked at that time, we will withhold it for a later release date. But designing the items you see being teased, can take up to 1 - 3hrs to several days to even several months. It simply depends on if I have the materials to do the item's design. If not? Then I, like you, have to wait for a specific material to come in via a monthly shipment. If it's not in that shipment, then again, I, like you, have to wait.
5. "I'll never get my items!": These comments aren't really necessary. While I understand you've been waiting for your merch/gifts, understand that you're not the only one. I have clients in Russia, Sweden, Norway, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Slovenia, Poland, New Zealand, Australia, and Turkey, just to name a few nations, who've been waiting on merch/gifts. Patience is key here. You wouldn't say that to someone whose running a grocery store would you? Just because they don't have a particular item in stock that they normally would, you wouldn't say that to them would you? No you wouldn't. Understand, that I'm operating in the same manner but on a much smaller level with limited funds. Saying things like "I'll never get my items" hurts. It's a snide, rude, and downright disrespectful comment that really can't be glossed over with "I was just joking" because if you were joking, you wouldn't of said it. A joke is meant to be laughed at by both parties, but when only one is laughing and the other's left sitting there in uncomfortable silence, than no, it's not a joke and an apology should be given. Even if you are genuinely joking, it's a joke that's now making Amy and I second guess our decision to continue with the Boutique. And, if the need comes down to it, I will simply issue refunds to everyone whose "helped" us out and once I reach that decision, ties will be severed with those saying the above commentary, as it's commentary I 100% do not need in my life. That's some very toxic vibes I simply don't need, don't want and won't partake in.
6. Nearly becoming Homeless: Back in March, my mom had someone place a malicious phone call into disability which saw $1k taken off her disability check. What shocked us all, is we weren't aware of there being an issue till the day of the checks being deposited into her bank account. Immediately, she was on the phone to our park manager and they were on the phone to the park owner to try and come to an agreement for repayment. He initially agreed and then, in a complete 360, changed his mind and issued us a notice to pay the rent, in full (amount totaling close to $730) or we'd have to vacate the trailer we were living in. This was an emergency and one I wasn't about to see my family deal with. I have the means and the ideas and I went to Money Mart the next Monday to get the money to pay the rent. However, Money Mart gives you say $200. On the repayment agreement date, they'll take $230 back. I don't know why they do this as it makes no sense to me but it is what it is. I was paid $200 and paid that to my park manager who was able to pay the $730 for our rent, but, I had to pay her back - in full. $830 gone in one day and this was in March. I've yet to recover from that finical loss.
7. The Car Crash: This is common knowledge but if you aren't aware, back on April 9th, our only salvation you might say, was when my stepdad, upon coming home from my grandma's place, roughly a 1 hour drive away in the next town, was in a crash. Now the photo I've shown is of the passenger's side. This side was the side that had the most 'side' damage, however, no one has seen the front of the car. My stepdad was lucky. The fire department had pulled out the orange tarp, fully prepared to extract a body when my mom was rushed to the scene by our neighbor once we'd gotten the phone call by a passerby. An orange tarp for context, is only ever used when a body is about to be extracted from a badly damaged building, or vehicle. Can you imagine what was going through my mom's mind when she saw that? Can you imagine what was going through my mind, not knowing what was going on while I placed emergency calls to our contacts to see if someone could come be with my mom and I, once she'd gotten home and my stepdad, her husband of close to 26 years, was rushed to the hospital to be checked over. In total, the car sustained $10k in damages. The engine was pushed into the dash area, the radiator was shoved back as well. The battery still hasn't been recovered. We've no idea where it went during the crash and impact. The bumper is gone. And the entire frame is so badly mangled, that even the scrapyard workers were astounded anyone walked away from it, with only a bruised hand.
8. Akela falls Ill: I can't catch a break but once bitten twice shy and I don't mess around where it concerns my animals. As soon as I noticed Akela struggling to go to the bathroom, I made a vet appointment for her. After fasting her for 48hrs and flushing her system with water and other fluids, the vet said she was simply fat. Yep. $400 later and I'm being told "Your cat just needs a diet." Yeah thanks cat. Love you. But for real. You don't need to eat everytime you wake up. Just saying. You're the only cat in our Pride who does this.
9. Bastet falls Ill: Under Federal Law, due to her ESSA/SA status, the second Bastet falls ill, it's an immediate vet visit. Nerve wracking when you have to wait for them to open and more so when you have to wait for your allotted appointment time to roll around. The fact is, had she not gotten seen when she was, she could of gone permanently deaf in her left ear. We discovered she has a mild hear murmur, is 100% deaf in her right ear (which is a birth defect sadly), and at some point, she sustained a hairline fracture to her right front paw (news to me as she's never shown any signs of being hurt so??????) Her not being seen would of meant, I never would of known she had a mild heart condition, one I must monitor, while heart murmurs aren't necessarily bad, they certainly aren't good either and can get worse over time and with progressing age. We also discovered she has a removeable polyp in the ear that's been causing her issues. And all this started with her having the sniffles. Something we quickly concluded was a secondary issue to her ear finally draining into her nasal cavity. But $450 later and I was and still am, sitting in the hole.
10. Start a Patron!: Well, we're tried that and quite literally, it was a waste of our time. No one bothered to help. No one subscribed. And Amy and I realized very quickly, it simply wasn't drawing enough interest to be kept open. Is it something we might think about later on, once the Boutique is up and open? Possibly. But right now? No.
In closing, I'm a very small business with zero help aside from Amy, and zero funding. I'm not backed by any major companies, corporations, big names, big brands, etc. It's just me, myself and Amy. But at the end of the day, we need everyone to showcase some patience. I have to recover from the finical loss first before I can do next to anything.
I stress. I stress every damn day about the merch/gifts I have sitting here. I stress wondering if I'll have the funds to get them shipped out. I've sat here and cried, wondering if it's worth it, if it's a pipe dream. If I should just pack it in and say 'forget it'. I'm hard on myself. Harder than most see or bear witness too. I second guess this decision everyday and I keep wondering if it's worth it. Is the struggle, the stress, the worry, the anxiety, really worth the end result of possible failure anyways? I have my supporters yes, but I second guess myself where it regards even them. I question if they're really here to support me, or if they're simply here to see what free shit they can get from me because I'm that kind of person who doesn't want someone to go into finical strain just to have something nice. And all because I know what it's like to struggle cause I am struggling.
I question if I should just pack it in, go apply for any number of back breaking jobs and hope and pray my spinal issues will put up with the strain and stress. Of hoping and praying I don't become a liability because I seriously hurt myself on the job.
These are the issues I deal with everyday. I have, maybe if I'm lucky, 3 people who check in and ask if I'm okay. People who used to chat with me daily no longer do so. And honestly? It hurts to know that my kindness, friendship and generosity is expendable. I work. I go to school. I have and live crazy hours. But I still make time to be there for everyone else around me but then, when it comes to me? I get told what I should and shouldn't do with my life when the other party's life may not be so sweet smelling.
I'm working to save up for a home and I've even begun working towards saving up for the land to park it on. I'm working towards a long term goal versus short term. But I wanted the Boutique to be something that would show off who I am as a person, as an aspiring, eclectic witch. As a person with a passion for art and photography. I've wanted to share that passion with everyone else around me, but when you get snide remarks, crude comments, etc, it makes me second guess and question myself and this then triggers all the self doubts, I've buried because I've had to deal with self doubts ever since I was a 15yr old, dealing with the death of her grandmother, on her own. Watching as her family fell apart. And then from 15 to being a 16yr old, abandoned in the middle of no where, with no money, no transport aside from the school bus and no food and no means of communication, all because my step grandfather's new wife said it was my "punishment" for being a "trouble child". It reminds me that I had no value then and I have no value now except to a small and I do mean small group of friends who'll have my back no matter what.
So Amy and I are asking that such comments cease. I've no issues with ending a friendship once merch is shipped. But if my friendship means anything to anyone, then you'll exercise better patience because I won't tolerate this abuse. From anyone. And again, this isn't signaling out any one person but goes for anyone.
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