So recently, a few of you may have noticed, I'm not 'hanging out' in streams anymore and have seemingly 'vanished' without a trace or word. Sadly, I've had to step away from Twitch for varying reasons, but I want to first thank those of you, who made engaging on Twitch and previously, Mixer, so much fun! I made so many friends and many fond memories with you all but sadly, as with all good things, things do end and sadly, my enjoyment of Twitch has been tainted with so many joining a highly questionable site, a site that has been wrapped up in 'silent' legal battles that, for the most part, make the site unwelcome to so many. That site, is Kick.
First, I want to express my concerns regarding this website. These concerns are based not only on first hand experiences, but also on what I've seen so many innocent people go through.
I was wrongfully banned for something I never said: This has to be the leading issue for me. Usernames are not 'locked in' like they are on Twitch and were on Mixer. Once a name was used, say for example 'Khaleesi', you couldn't 'take' that name. You had to make a variation to it and that variation had to be uniquely yours. It couldn't be Khaleesi23 but something entirely different. The issue on Kick is that, there's no 'lock in' for names and thus, someone, I strongly suspect my cyber stalker, made a name similar to mine (KhaleesiAkibaWolf) and they used a word that I have never used and have multiple witnesses to attest to this. That word is the 'N' word, as we'll call it. I want to first clarify, that I personally, only signed up to Kick at the urging of others. And hadn't been on the platform long enough to make any sort of 'friend' base except for the small (and I do mean small few) who were multi-platforming/livestreaming. That said, many of these streamers are sadly, small streamers, with a smaller follower base. Meaning, their word means jack shit when something is called into question. The evening this issue happened, I was sitting in the back of an ambulance, hooked up to an IV and gas, trying to stay on top of a life threatening gall bladder flare up. When asked to produce proof of this, by Kick admins, they refused to accept the proof presented to them and I have since, remained banned (not that it's any real loss).
I have personally seen Administrators and moderators of the Kick team, harassing, belittling, slandering, threatening, body shaming, and even threatening to doxx users who question the CoC/TOS/the site's original intended purpose (which was to be Mixer 2.0). That said, this is worrisome for many reasons. Say you're confused about something in the CoC/TOS and you question a streamer who may have been on the platform for quite some time. Rather than be answered in a civilized manner, you're threatened with being banned...for asking a question. And this isn't an isolated issue. It's widespread and seen, predominantly on the bigger streamers stream chat. This, in of itself, alongside the threats made by the team and the fact that the owners are homophobes, and they make no issue over not hiding this, astounds me (keeping in mind that homophobia is strictly against their TOS/CoC). This behavior alone, makes Kick a questionable site but from the get go, according to it's original statement, it was to be like 'the old Mixer, with everything Mixer gave and more' however, it's singularly more like an online gambling site more than anything with little to no age restrictions in place to protect minors from seeing anything 'unsavory'. Now while these issues may have changed, the fact remains; the site is questionable and it's seen many users walking away entirely from live streaming due to continued harassment and threats from not only the staff, but from other users of the platform.
Knowing many of those whom I've followed since Mixer are simply using Kick as a 'get rich quick' or 'get noticed quick' is astounding and makes me feel like they've lost sight of why they're live streaming. Live streaming, in of itself, is a fruitless endeavor with little, to no gain back. Unless you plan on buying every new game that comes out and live streaming it, there's little to no reason to expect any monetary gain from live streaming. Those who succeed at doing just this, are few and far between and many are unhappy with having to live stream nearly 24/7 365 with little to no breaks in between because the second they do take a short break, they lose a good 50% of their follower base and thereby, their income. And in today's world, buying every game that hits the market, just to remain noticeable, simply isn't feasible. You're left playing an entire game, you may not even like, be stuck playing a game from a franchise you may not even like, and be unable to get any money back as most games, that allow online purchase options through Steam or other platforms, simply don't allow 30-day money back guarantees. This alone can burn you out fairly quickly and make streaming more like a 24/7 9-5 job versus something that was meant to be fun and enjoyable. And seeing so many joining Kick just to get noticed because they refuse to put the work into doing so on Twitch, irregardless of what percentage of pay Twitch may or may not take, astounds me. We seem to of forgotten that your taxes are taxed, and those are taxed as well. You're never truly 'ahead' of the game in today's world or it's badly functioning economy. So having Twitch take a percentage of what you make, shouldn't come as such a surprise but it seems so many are shocked when this exact thing happens and I'm left wondering how they failed to notice this happening with the bigger named streamers? Ninja for example, has made his disdain over Twitch's antics, fairly well known, but yet people are so very quick to brush him off. Why? Because he made a name for himself playing one singular game? I don't know. But it's taken the fun out of watching many streamers.
Regardless of your views on the above, I've had to take a step back from Twitch. I've been drifting away from it for a long time now and sadly, I've had time to really think about how I would want to be viewed when/if/should I ever try my hand at it. The games I play, may not even be of enough interest to warrant livestreaming on Twitch. Rival Stars Horse Racing. Do you know it? Have you played it? Do you know what the storyline's about? If you can't answer yes to at least one of these questions, without looking up an answer, then it's not worth my time nor effort to live stream it. Star Stable Online {SSO}. Do you know of it? Have you played it? Do you know the age it's geared towards? Again, the same logic applies to this game as applies to Rival Stars. But I also don't want to drift with the in crowd. I want to build my own small niche on a platform where, if you're not playing today's next big game, you're a nobody. Building that niche, that community, is what matters most to me. I don't care if I ever get partnered (for real, do you see how many brands I'm an ambassador for? Do you really think I care about being partnered with Twitch when I'm an ambassador for a major company such as 4Ocean? Heck no!)
But building my community is important to me but it's getting noticed on a multi-million person platform that can be daunting. When you ask someone what a dab is and they reply with "really?" and it's not said in confusion but sarcasm, it makes you question being on the platform. Not many of us grew up with the luxury of a gaming platform. My first gaming console was the age old cartridge Nintendo. I didn't get that till I was 14. And I'm one of the small few whose childhood was "get the fuck outside!" If it was sunny out, you were kicked outside. Even if it was raining. As long as it wasn't thundering out, you were outside. I grew up drinking from the garden hose and praying my neighbor would have a PB&J sandwich on standby for when I inevitably stopped by for a mid-afternoon snack. Am I saying my family was poor? No. But did we have the money for the fancier internet companies or gaming consoles? Again, no. At some points, we barely broke even bill wise. Other times, we didn't even do that.
So for me, building a warm and welcoming community, in my own little niche on Twitch, is what I'd strive for, but it's keeping that community engaged that becomes the problem. I play games many others show no interest in, have no interest in watching, etc. Because it's not some hip new game, it's of little interest. Storyline be damned. If it's not Fortshite or Minecraft, no one cares and that's the issue I've begun to see with Twitch. The lack of caring.
A few streamers will only play one game and eventually, I'm sorry to say, it gets boring. But I've endured for their sake because I genuinely want them to succeed but it comes at a mental toll to myself. I'm left wondering if the games I'd play would even be worth their effort to 'raid' me. Would it be worth sending 20+ people from your stream to mine? To have them sit there and watch me play a repetitive game over and over because my computer genuinely can't handle a bigger game load or my wifi sucks so horribly that the game crashes every two seconds? The answer is a resounding no. No it's not.
And this is where I've had to draw the line in the sand. I'm committed to my style of gaming and sadly, it's not for everyone and I get that and I understand that, but at the same time, it makes building a community next to impossible.
The flip side to taking this Twitch break is, I've been able to throw myself into my volcanology studies. I love everything about volcanology. Learning how our planet ticks has always been a fascination to me. Knowing I live near some dormant volcanoes and knowing I can find gems, crystals, and rare minerals, worth millions to some jewelers, astounds me. Just twenty minutes from where I live, I can find raw rubies, sapphires, emeralds and in rarer cases, amethysts and aquamarines. In another area, just 40 minutes from me, I can find raw copper, bronze, and even gold and in some smaller veins, silver. I live just 10 minutes from an open pit copper mine, that's still very active and allows the general public to come in and dig for their own copper deposits once a year. Knowing that the very being beneath our feet created these things, using nothing more than molten rock, fascinates me and I'm loving it! I've met so many like minded people in this field of study and I've thoroughly enjoyed connecting with them. I've made some amazing friends along the way as well!
The other flip side, is I've been spending alot of time working on my photography skills. I'm going to be saving up over the next two months to get a Nikon Coolpix P900 series which will make my photography, especially my Celestial Photography that much more amazing!
And I've also spent time, quietly contemplating where I want to go once my camper's renovations are done. I could travel with the money I'd have left over. I could easily go to Wales, England, Japan, Norway, the list is, in fact, quite endless. But the question remains; do I want too? You know how people make all these 'bucket lists' of things they just have to do before they die? I'm left wondering, why bother? Would visiting Japan really spark anything in me? Probably. For a short period of time, I'd be excited and happy but due to how my brain works, with suffering from ADHD as I do, that excitement would, over time, wear off and I'd been needing something new to keep me invested in my trip. To say I've come full circle and am content right where I am, would shock most people who know me. Most who know me, know I've wanted to visit Japan and Egypt for a long time, but now? I'm not so sure I want to invest in the tourist trap. Are you really seeing Egypt the way it used to be before Cairo built up so much that literally the city is knocking on the Pyramids doorsteps? No. Are you truly seeing Japan for the ancient and beautiful country it once was? Where all the older buildings aren't in disrepair? No. Very few of these older buildings are now standing and those that are, require millions of dollars worth just to renovate them back to their former glory.
Over the past year, I've reconnected with what I felt I needed versus what I have. I've lost interest in model horse collecting. Shocking, I know. I've collected only a few grails this year. Quite literally, only 5 or 6 models with a few more I'd like to get to add to my collection but if I don't get these, it's no big loss. I've invested in 3 models that are my most expensive ones yet this year and after that? I'm not entirely sure where I'll go with my collection.
I've fully retired from the massive Betta fish operation I once envisioned. Once Tiger died, that was it for me, for fish. I may get another Betta in the next few months, but nothing like I originally had, where at one point, I had over 15 fish.
I've had family trying to convince me to get more cats and my answer has always been the same; no thanks, I'm happy with the four I have. And truly, I am. It's nice to dream, to want that giant ass Maine Coon or Norwegian Forest Cat, but at the same time, I'm content with the pride I have. It's manageable. It's easy to look after. And I've taken into strong consideration, that I'm 34 going on 35, and a cat can live a long time. Do I really want a kitten at the age of 40 or 60? No. Not really.
Relationship front. What will be will be is how I'm viewing things now. I'm not in this mad rush to have kids or get married. It'll happen in it's own time. If it doesn't, well then I'm happy with the lot I've got and the cards I've been dealt with.
Being happy has never been more important to me and to of achieved that in such a short time...well...I'd like to say I could achieve more but what's more important than being happy, content and fulfilled in this life?
With love,
Aki.
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